Open communication is the key to success in personal and professional relationships. It’s also critical in maintaining a healthy corporate culture. 

More than 30% of HR managers indicated poor communication is the greatest source of low workplace morale, according to Accountemps.

When it comes to positive communication, it’s as important to learn what not to do as it is to learn what to do. There are two elements that work against effective communication: making assumptions, and a lack of skills and tools.  

When it comes to conversations with others, consider these assumptions you might have during your discussion: 

• If we are talking, we are communicating.
• What I said is what you heard or vice versa.
• I heard what you said, but I know what you really meant. 
• Behind every question, there lurks a statement. 
• We tend to assume we are good communicators.      

Assumptions incorrectly pin motives on people and create imagined threats.

With assumptions out of the way, a good communicator must learn a crucial skill for good communication. The skill is simple: Be a good listener. You are doing your best communicating when you are listening, not talking. 

Practicing being a good listener can be awkward and may not come naturally. Practice anyway. Use positive body language, withhold judgement, keep an open mind and ask clarifying questions. 

Mind the triggers

As you think about your next important or sensitive conversation with an employee or colleague, consider your own triggers. Do you know what they are? Have you had negative experiences with this person in the past? Have you been burned by situations like this with other people? Are you angry because this person made you look bad? Are you frustrated with incompetence, gossip or people ignoring you?

Having self-awareness to recognize possible triggers empowers you to navigate work conversations with greater composure, clarity and effectiveness. Understanding what topics or behaviors bother you allows you to steer the conversation away from potential conflicts or address them more calmly and constructively.

Set up the conversation

Once you are prepared and practiced being a good listener, it’s time to set up the conversation.

Consider four things:

• Timing: Don’t communicate when angry or frustrated or when there is a risk of being interrupted. Close the door. Forward or silence your phone. Make sure you have time to hear feedback and build in enough time to hear what your listener has to say. Skip the conversation if the listener is in a bad mood or not feeling well. His or her resilience is already low and most likely your point will not be well received or received incorrectly. Also skip it if the listener is too busy or distracted to pay full attention to your message. Schedule an appointment or be sure to ask, “Is this a good time?”
• Setting: It should be conducive to a good conversation, with only the parties involved present.
• Agreed-upon message: Keep to one specific topic at a time. This shouldn’t be a chance to review a laundry list of topics, which can lead to numerous rabbit trails.  
• Ground rules: If necessary, lay some down. For example, no interruptions, no disrespect, no belittling fellow colleagues, no inappropriate language or yelling. Are there others?

When I discuss the topic of communication, I always like to include a list of words to avoid or change in your vocabulary. These words unintentionally put obstacles in the conversation and block our ability to meet the goals.

They also invalidate the listener or imply their concerns may not be well received. Some words to avoid may surprise you: always, never, should, must, but, can’t stand, either/or, good/bad, deserve, can’t.

Poor communication leads to unmet expectations which can cause resentment and lead to damage you can’t recover from. Effective communication is essential. This includes not only top-down communication from leadership but also a culture that encourages employees to voice their opinions and concerns, knowing they’ll be heard.

Never stop working on your own and your team’s communication.

Paul D. Casey lives in the Tri-Cities and is the owner of Growing Forward Services, which aims to equip and coach leaders and teams to spark breakthrough success. He also is the executive director of Leadership Tri-Cities.